2018年的第一本小说。主人公跟我最近半年一样，越发意识到自己的生活是割裂的。就像第一章的标题叫『Two Realms』一样。一边是自己的manner，光鲜的父母姐妹，一边是各种七宗罪。而Demian是一个奇特的人，带领主人公承认并接纳这种割裂，并给了他很多启发的人。大体描述了这样一个困惑中思考和成长的故事。书的后半部分我并没有完全看懂。此外全书有很多宗教隐喻，比如the mark of Cain，Demian母子和主人公他们代表的是什么，我可能理解的很片面。很多说教一样的『金句』写得很出彩，在此摘录。

摘录

讲了一个怎样的故事：

我的故事不是一个愉快的故事。它并不甜蜜，并不和谐，像编造的故事那样。它散发着源于疯狂和梦境的荒谬感和杂乱感，就像每一个停止欺骗自己的人的生活那样。

My story is not a pleasant one; it is neither sweet nor harmonious, as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams —– like the lives of all men who stop deceiving themselves.

Hedgehog’s dilemma:

但是我们每个人，某种程度上每个实验品，都向着自己的命运奋进着。我们可以理解感受彼此，但是我们每个人都只能跟自己解构自己。

But each of us —– experiments of the depths —– strives toward his own destiny. We can understand one another; but each of us is able to interpret himself to himself alone.

Demian的刻画：

This remarkable student seemed much older than he looked; in fact, he did not strike anyone as a boy at all. In contrast to us, he seemed strange and mature, like a man, or rather like a gentleman. He was not popular, did not take part in our games, still less in the general roughhouse, and only his firm, self-confident tone toward the teachers won the admiration of the students. He was called Max Demian… I can only say that he was in every respect different from all the others, was entirely himself, with a personality all his own which made him noticeable even though he did his best not to be noticed; his manner and bearing was that of a prince disguised among farm boys, taking great pains to appear one of them.

论父母：

像绝大多数父母一样，我的父母在我青春期的问题前没有给我任何帮助或参考。他们做的无非是在我徒劳的试图否定现实，继续躲在越发不真实的童年世界不出来时，不停的支持着我并为此负担着。我不知道父母是否真的能帮上子女，不过我没有怪罪过我的父母，毕竟我认为找到自己的路，自我认可是我自己的事情。然而在这件事情上跟绝大多数养尊处优的孩子一样 —— 我弄得挺失败的。

Like most parents, mine were no help with the new problems of puberty, to which no reference was ever made. All they did was take endless trouble in supporting my hopeless attempts to deny reality and to continue dwelling in a childhood world that was becoming more and more unreal. I have no idea whether parents can be of help, and I do not blame mine. It was my own affair to come to terms with myself and to find my own way, and like most well-brought-up children, I managed it badly.

论童年：

他们的童年记忆变得空洞，逐渐坍塌。他们所爱的一切都抛弃了他们，然后他们忽然发现自己被孤独和宇宙永恒的寒冷所包围着。很多人一辈子都陷在这个僵局里，并且后半辈子都痛苦的沉湎于无法挽回的过去，沉湎于失落的梦，这些糟糕且无情的梦。

Everyone goes through this crisis. For the average person this is the point when the demands of his own life come into the sharpest conflict with his environment, when the way forward has to be sought with the bitterest means at his command. Many people experience the dying and rebirth —– which is our fate —– only this once during their entire life. Their childhood becomes hollow and gradually collapses, everything they love abandons them and they suddenly feel surrounded by the loneliness and mortal cold of the universe. Very many are caught forever in this impasse, and for the rest of their lives cling painfully to an irrevocable past, the dream of the lost paradise–which is the worst and most ruthless of dreams.

Demian的解释：

你看，即使牧师想让我们相信我们有自由意志，其实我们是没有的。一个人是没办法思考出他想要什么的，我也不可能用我的意志控制别人的思想。但是，如果你研究观察一个人久了，你就可以几乎很精确的知道他的想法和感受，然后你可以预测他将来的行动。这很简单，只是很多人不知道，当然你得多练练。

You see, we don’t have free will even though the pastor makes believe we do. A person can neither think what he wants to nor can I make him think what I want to. However, one can study someone very closely and then one can often know almost exactly what he thinks or feels and then one can also anticipate what he will do the next moment. It’s simple enough, only people don’t know it. Of course you need practice.

某一本想不起来名字的书：

命运和性格是描述同一个概念的两个词汇。

Fate and temperament are two words for one and the same concept.

Pistorius：

如果你讨厌一个人，你讨厌的是他身上体现的部分的自己。不属于我们自己的东西不会让我们感到苦恼。

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.